I am in shock at how good this feels! For so long I have tried to blog on the iPad, with wavering success. It becomes so cumbersome to try and get pictures published, I give up. Really, the design and layout and template functions are hard to work with. I give up. But over the past week, Jason has transferred literally thousands of photos from CDs and thumb drives onto an external storage drive for my use! I am using his desktop to blog right now, but I am so very hopeful that soon I can purchase a Macbook or Mac Air with a keyboard! On this big screen, I can see everything! I am able to drag photos from here to there. With a mouse!
Going down memory lane this evening, I found this.
From Christmas 2007. My princess of the universe looks so tiny! That was nearly 9 years ago. She is now 18. I was carrying on, pushing as hard as I could for the life I wanted for myself and my children. It was a lonely road, but I loved (love) my children so dearly and so much! They were a very bright fire that kept me going. Daniel is in this photo as well. What a hard few years, as things got worse. If I had known that only a few years down the road from this I'd finally implode and leave my home, I may have cried. But I might have felt overwhelming hope. Unless you have walked in the shoes of despair and loneliness and grief and, dare I say, abuse, you will never know the ache to be somewhere other than where you are!
I walked with my mom around their pond. My sister was probably somewhere nearby. I always love going out and looking at plants. Taking pictures. I was probably thinking of my work day the following day. And lesson plans! And food! It was Christmastime, after all, and my mom always has a spread of delicious food for the holidays.
Life is so different now. So full. I think most of my discontent, when it is present, comes from agonizing over what things should be. I have to remind myself that for me, this is what things should be. I am exactly where I should be. I am healing and being a parent and a grandmother, making the best choices I can day by day.
I could post so much more right now, but I will stop. It is getting late, and I have not even had dinner yet! I won't even tell you how late it is, because most people don't eat this late! I also would like to pick up the Martin and strum a bit. And tomorrow will, Lord willing, be another day in my sweet caboose, Sidetracked, so I better get off of here. I do want to share just one more photos. A scan from the shop today. This one is by William Shew. You can google him to find out more, but seems he read about photography in the early part of the 1800s, took off to learn about it, his brothers in tow, studied under Morse, and finally ended up in San Francisco with a photography studio. He was obviously very good at what he did.
Isn't she just lovely! I would love to know her name, but it is a mystery. She knows her name. God knows her name. Ah well. I love old photos!
Enjoy this day,